he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
