OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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