I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
