The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
