i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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