He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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