atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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