After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
