She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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