On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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