So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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