i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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