i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
