I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he thought i was a dude.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
