You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
