Plan B is the new Plan A
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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