How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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