Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
