I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
