i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
