just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
