I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
