My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
