so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
