So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
