I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
