If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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