that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
