i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
