How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
