Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
