You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
