i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
