my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
