so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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