The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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