I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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