So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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