You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
