I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
