is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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