It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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