So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
