Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
