Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want her autograph on my taint
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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