I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
