Non-Jews are for practice
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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