i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
