I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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