she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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