toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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