So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
