We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
