All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
sarcasm needs its own font
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
