piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How external is "for external use only"?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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