kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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