I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Non-Jews are for practice
I can text with my tongue
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize