After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
