If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
