I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
