I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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