I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
