I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
