The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
