doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
