What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize