I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she smelled like a LAN party
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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