It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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