when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
